Doing it myself, bigtime
Life in Swansea is picking up pace and memories of the India trip are beginning to recede. Even as they fade, one keeps niggling like a half-bitten cuticle. So I thought I'd lay it to rest--if I possibly can.
Servants. The one glaring difference in these two countries that so changes our lifestyle that it even impacts our personality. Yes, servants. Cooks, maids, ayahs, gardeners, drivers, dhobis... Those wonderful people who make life so easy back in India. So indispensible.
I'd forgotten that most conversations, indeed life, back home revolved around them. This trip the difference hit me. For starters, the morning after I arrived in Hyd, after a late-ish breakfast, it dawned on us that our cook wasn't going to turn up (we didn't know it then but she had left for good). Only we'd invited 25 people to dinner that evening! So we did what we'd do in India--we had the dinner catered. And not surprisingly, we ate out a lot this trip.
Others had sacked their cooks some months before and not found a replacement. So they were living off takeaways. Like the people who hadn't hired a cook in the first place. Still others were refusing to meet up because their maids had not turned up that day. Or because their drivers had the day off... You get the picture.
Then there were the Ayahs. This trip, suddenly I met loads of relatives and friends who had little children below school-going age, or were planning to start families. And it was interesting and, I must admit, the teeniest bit annoying, to see how well they coped. And why not. They all had ayahs to look after their little ones. Ayahs who would only bring out the tots when they were bathed and fed and dressed so visitors (and the new parents) could coo and admire and resume their lives.
One young, just-pregnant relative told me her only concern was finding a good maid before her delivery. Another refused to handle her 5-month child more than she needed to, disappearing for hours on end, and leaving the baby with the maid. And most children turned instinctively to their ayahs, and not their moms. Oh and the grandparents were around anyway to look after children. Oh and the just-pregnant relative is planning to visit us later this year after around 40 days of having given birth--without baby of course, as it wouldn't be fair to drag it around. I couldn't help but marvel at how absolutely nobody let their children affect their lifestyles.
How different from life in the Western world! Back in 1997 I'd visited a cousin and his young family in Germany. What struck me was how difficult life must be for them. They had had a second child just before my visit. The drawing room was a disaster zone strewn with toys. The parents were hagged, constantly tired, had no lives of their own what with cooking, cleaning and child-minding in between their jobs and the various chores. I thought I wouldn't wish that life on my enemy.
So of course I have the pleasure of living it now. No cooks, cleaners, dhobis, gardners or drivers. No I'm doing it myself BIGTIME. I'd forgotten my few cooking skills in the one month back home. Now I'm relearning, with strangely unpalatable results. I'm faring much better with the driving. I only bump my car into one thing a day (touch-wood). Cleaning is the husband's forte and I encourage him whole-heartedly. It's winter-time and nobody in their right mind does their garden. Fortunately summer only lasts 4 months here. Plus we've been thinking of paving over our lawn. The dhobi--Ahhh, that was my cunning plan this India trip. I took as much of my laundry back home as gifts and a 20 kg baggage limit allowed. And got all my new stuff ironed so that it's good for at least one wear here. Oh, and most of the stuff I bought was crinkled and crushed anyway.
Which life would I rather have? Without doubt the one I've known almost all my life barring these last 2 years. But UK is beginning to change the way I see some things. No not the need for someone else to cook my food. Nothing could alter that. But the joy in doing certain other things myself. Like driving. Maybe gardening. And if ever I feel like keeping a cat or having a child, you can be dammned sure they'll know I'm their mum.
Servants. The one glaring difference in these two countries that so changes our lifestyle that it even impacts our personality. Yes, servants. Cooks, maids, ayahs, gardeners, drivers, dhobis... Those wonderful people who make life so easy back in India. So indispensible.
I'd forgotten that most conversations, indeed life, back home revolved around them. This trip the difference hit me. For starters, the morning after I arrived in Hyd, after a late-ish breakfast, it dawned on us that our cook wasn't going to turn up (we didn't know it then but she had left for good). Only we'd invited 25 people to dinner that evening! So we did what we'd do in India--we had the dinner catered. And not surprisingly, we ate out a lot this trip.
Others had sacked their cooks some months before and not found a replacement. So they were living off takeaways. Like the people who hadn't hired a cook in the first place. Still others were refusing to meet up because their maids had not turned up that day. Or because their drivers had the day off... You get the picture.
Then there were the Ayahs. This trip, suddenly I met loads of relatives and friends who had little children below school-going age, or were planning to start families. And it was interesting and, I must admit, the teeniest bit annoying, to see how well they coped. And why not. They all had ayahs to look after their little ones. Ayahs who would only bring out the tots when they were bathed and fed and dressed so visitors (and the new parents) could coo and admire and resume their lives.
One young, just-pregnant relative told me her only concern was finding a good maid before her delivery. Another refused to handle her 5-month child more than she needed to, disappearing for hours on end, and leaving the baby with the maid. And most children turned instinctively to their ayahs, and not their moms. Oh and the grandparents were around anyway to look after children. Oh and the just-pregnant relative is planning to visit us later this year after around 40 days of having given birth--without baby of course, as it wouldn't be fair to drag it around. I couldn't help but marvel at how absolutely nobody let their children affect their lifestyles.
How different from life in the Western world! Back in 1997 I'd visited a cousin and his young family in Germany. What struck me was how difficult life must be for them. They had had a second child just before my visit. The drawing room was a disaster zone strewn with toys. The parents were hagged, constantly tired, had no lives of their own what with cooking, cleaning and child-minding in between their jobs and the various chores. I thought I wouldn't wish that life on my enemy.
So of course I have the pleasure of living it now. No cooks, cleaners, dhobis, gardners or drivers. No I'm doing it myself BIGTIME. I'd forgotten my few cooking skills in the one month back home. Now I'm relearning, with strangely unpalatable results. I'm faring much better with the driving. I only bump my car into one thing a day (touch-wood). Cleaning is the husband's forte and I encourage him whole-heartedly. It's winter-time and nobody in their right mind does their garden. Fortunately summer only lasts 4 months here. Plus we've been thinking of paving over our lawn. The dhobi--Ahhh, that was my cunning plan this India trip. I took as much of my laundry back home as gifts and a 20 kg baggage limit allowed. And got all my new stuff ironed so that it's good for at least one wear here. Oh, and most of the stuff I bought was crinkled and crushed anyway.
Which life would I rather have? Without doubt the one I've known almost all my life barring these last 2 years. But UK is beginning to change the way I see some things. No not the need for someone else to cook my food. Nothing could alter that. But the joy in doing certain other things myself. Like driving. Maybe gardening. And if ever I feel like keeping a cat or having a child, you can be dammned sure they'll know I'm their mum.
posted by Sabiha | 6:58 PM
1 Comments:
sabs, i guess when you have so much help out here in india you tend to miss the comfort. but think about how much simpler life is on your side of the fence.
take for instance, dust, ask anyone and they will tell you how they are fighting a losing battle against dust, i know people who have servants to just dust the house several times during the day. traffic, everytime you go out even to the local grocer, you come back with a foul mood, because of the traffic sense rather the lack of it among your fellow motorists.
add bad roads to the mix and you get a heady cocktail of woes.
also the weather really takes the mickey out of you, it is too extreme, i'm dreading the summer.
i could go on, but the point i'm trying to make is that there are so many discomforts in our lives here that we cannot afford to (at least i can't) take on the more than i can handle.
i love my baby but i also love the time away from her that i spend with friends or by myself, it kinda keeps me from turning into a nagging monster!
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